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A Parenting Confession That You Might Hate Me For

A Parenting Confession That You Might Hate Me For

So I’ve got a confession to make and I know it’s one that some people will either not believe or hate me for but here goes…

I don’t find parenting particularly hard and I genuinely love it *most* of the time.

And wait for this one..

One of my most favourite things to do is sit down and craft with the kids. If it was a choice between that or going out to a cocktail bar for drinks then I would choose it every time.

It’s never really been something I’ve wanted to shout about because firstly I don’t want to make those who struggle feel bad and secondly I’ve not really found there to be much point, until now.

With the huge rise and success of ‘honest’ style parenting blogs it’s almost become a fashion to shout out about how tedious looking after young children is, how horrendous the first few months with a newborn are and how being a parent means you can never enjoy a holiday or meal out again.

I can see how some of these blog posts can be beneficial to mums who aren’t enjoying it, and don’t get me wrong I love to laugh at some of them too. It’s always nice to know you’re not alone but I’ve noticed that a lot of these posts are never able to just talk about the fact they feel that way, they always seem to make assumptions that everyone feels like it and those who don’t are either lying or choosing to hide a huge part of their lives.

It really winds me up.

We are all different.

Some women feel like they have found their calling by focusing on their career, some women feel like they have found it by being a housewife and others, like me, feel like they have found it with a mixture of both. Being a mum is something I had always wanted to be and it did live up to my expectations, in fact it was even better. From the very first moment Cherry was placed in my arms I felt like I had found what it was that was missing in my life and that feeling never went away.

It’s not to say I’ve never had hard times but they have ALWAYS been about me, my struggle with not having enough sleep, my stupid idea for taking tired kids into a supermarket before teatime, my pre-menstrual tension making me snappy and unable to handle little people asking me to do things for them every five seconds.

If my kids are playing up then there is always a reason, either something has upset them or something is going on with me. If I’m pre-occupied with some work that needs doing then they know that and it affects how they behave.

At the end of the day if you went to the dentist and you could tell they didn’t want to be there plus they kept snapping at you then you would probably feel pretty awkward about sitting in that seat. You might feel angry, upset or defensive. Feelings which kids quite frequently show. Kids are so receptive to the emotions of people around them, more so than we ever give them credit for.

And before you all hate me for being smug, I just want to point out that I haven’t always known this. There were some really hard times in the first few months of looking after two children and I wish I could go back and do it all again because I know what I would do differently.

It all comes down to positivity. My friend Fritha wrote a brilliant blog post about it here and she covers it really well so I won’t go into it too much but choosing happy will have a positive effect on other areas of your life. From my own experience it has reduced the amount of tantrums that my kids have and changed the way they behave to the point where things like that don’t happen that often and for that reason I’m not going to share photos of those moments because they don’t sum up what being a parent is about to me.

It hasn’t been an easy journey, I wrote about my experience with anxiety the other day and for a long while I had been in a habit of being scared to think positively because of the worry it would make bad things happen. It took a lot to turn that around but I’m so pleased that I managed to because it has changed my life.

I know there will be people who read this and disagree with me, or feel like there are reasons why they can’t take this approach or be positive in the situations they are dealing with most of the time and I understand that. I can only write about my own life and experiences and I can promise you it’s not all been plain sailing.

I just wanted to speak up on behalf of the mums who mainly share photos of the crafts they do with their kids or who have never posted a photo of a tantrum.

‘Honest’ parenting doesn’t have a universal meaning, it’s about sharing YOUR thoughts on what it’s like to be a mum.

It’s great to be honest but don’t assume that because someone else’s honest is different to yours they are either liars / superhuman or a (insert some kind of swear word).

a-parenting-confession-you-might-hate-me-for


  1. Lucy

    4 October

    A post a completely agree with. I feel exactly the same and feel guilty for admitting I find parenting an absolute pleasure!

    • Jessica Cherry

      4 October

      Thank you for your comment! I was a bit worried I was going to receive a negative one, I’m sure I will at some point, but I just feel like it needed to be said. There are so many people shouting out about not enjoying parenting these days that I think more people need to do the opposite. The sad thing is that posts about kids being called swear words get shared thousands of times and get read by millions of people whereas posts by people writing positive things get written off as untrue. I get that not everyone enjoys being a mum but I don’t think it’s healthy for young girls to be growing up witnessing all these negative parenting posts flooding the internet. We should all know it’s okay to find it hard but most of them have gone so far beyond that! x

  2. CRAFT ON, CRAFTER! You know how much I agree with you, always have, always will. Sick to death of it being implied that if you’re not writing about/sharing humdrum or less positive things that you’re not an ‘honest’ or ‘real’ parent.

  3. Alison

    4 October

    Great post Jess. I’m someone who awkwardly straddles the two types of parent you talk about here – I found the first few years of parenthood SO EFFING HARD and wrote a few posts which definitely assumed that everyone else did too. I actually genuinely thought that anyone who said being a mum was joyful and amazing, was lying! I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that now, but I thought there was a conspiracy! Now, of course, I can see that there wasn’t, and we all have vastly different experiences as a parent. In defence of the bloggers/parents who paint everything as being awful, there could well be much more to it for them – I was suffering from PND (unbeknownst to me at the time) when I told everyone who’d listen how hard being a mum was. But I think it’s important that mums like you aren’t made to feel crap just because you are loving motherhood xx

    • Jessica Cherry

      4 October

      Thanks for your comment Alison and I totally see your point, I guess for people suffering from PND it must be so hard to imagine that anyone is enjoying it. I think it’s great that some of these posts are helping people that are suffering too as no-one should have to go through it feeling like they are alone. I can accept there is a place for it but when I read the bits about people lying who don’t feel that way it really grates on me! xx

      • Alison

        4 October

        No definitely. I cringe when I think of some of the posts I used to write. Also, I feel like your point about our kids’ behaviour being down to us having a bad day is a bit of a revelation. So true.

  4. lucy

    4 October

    I love this Jess and I couldn’t agree more. I’ve never really found it especially hard being a parent… and as you say, on the days when it’s a bit trickier I can always work out why and you just move on from it. Every one is different I guess and obviously we all come to parenthood with different expectations, but I’ve never been one of those “God my kids are awful, pass the wine” parents, my kids are always without a doubt the best part of my day. Similarly when they were newborns and all that anyone ever talks about is how they could barely leave the house and it was just sooooooo haaaaaaaaaaard, I was out and about and excited about it. Maybe my previous ‘proper job’ helps because I know that I’d still take the worst days with my own children at home than go back to that. x

    • Jessica Cherry

      4 October

      Haha that is such a good point, I hated the job I was doing before I fell pregnant and I’ve always loved being in my house so the idea of being able to do it all day was a dream come true!! I must admit I struggled to leave the house for a couple of weeks after Cherry was born but that’s because my private parts were so black and blue I could barely stand up 😉 xx

  5. Kads Life

    4 October

    Finally a positive parenting post! After so many negative ones I was wondering why any one has children as it all sounded so hellish!
    Kads Life (lifestyle blogger)

    • Jessica Cherry

      4 October

      Haha I totally know what you mean and I said exactly the same thing to my OH last night!! x

  6. Morgana

    4 October

    The point, like you say Jess is if you are writing an ‘honest’ parenting blog then it is being honest about your views and your parenting, which is what you do, and that’s why I love it. My favourite blogs are favourites because their blogs reflect who they are, they aren’t it in for traffic or sensationalism. I may not love crafting but I love that you do. Great blog Jess!!

    • Jessica Cherry

      4 October

      Thanks Morgana! I think that’s the thing that I find so annoying about the term ‘honest parenting’, really it should be called ‘parenting from mums who don’t enjoy it very much’ because it’s only honest to them. I hate this latest assumption that if you aren’t complaining about it all then there is something wrong with you, I can see why some people find it really hard and I feel like they should see that some people really don’t. I mean working in a nursery would be some people’s idea of hell yet to others they love it more than anything. It’s exactly the same! xx

  7. Wonderful post Jess, like you say there will be people out there that don’t agree but it doesn’t get said often enough that it is ok to love being a mum. When people ask me what I do and I say I’m a stay at home mum I find myself saying afterwards, we couldn’t afford childcare for three children and while that is true it isn’t the reason I’m a stay at home mum, I always wanted to be home with my children and think I’m very lucky to be able to do it. I can’t say I enjoy crafting particularly but I do love being there with the everyday. You always write from the heart Jess without any kind of agenda and I love that xx

    • Jessica Cherry

      4 October

      Thanks so much Hayley, your kind words have really brought a smile to my face :). I think in these modern times it’s a great thing that women can admit to not being a typical housewife and preferring to go out to work but because of that it’s almost been forgotten that other women want nothing more than to stay at home with their kids all day. Neither is better than the other, they are just different options for different people and I have no problem understanding that’s how they feel so I don’t see why they have trouble! xx

  8. Steph Oakes

    4 October

    What a refreshing read. I totally agree with you. I don’t know it it’s down to luck or whatever but without sounding smug, my two are a dream to spend time with (most of the time). Jack is 4 on Wednesday and I can count on one hand the number of tantrums he has thrown in those four years. In fact, I can count on three fingers! It was hard in the early days, but that was all about change in lifestyle and sleep deprivation is a killer but on the whole there’s no where else I’d rather be than with my two little monkeys x

    • Jessica Cherry

      4 October

      Ah that’s exactly how I feel Steph! I mentioned above but I think it’s the same as people working in nurseries, to some it is their idea of hell but to others it’s their dream job. If you told someone you loved working a nursery they wouldn’t think you were lying so why is it any different when it comes to spending all day with your own kids?! I think it’s great that it’s become okay to say you don’t enjoy it but it should be equally okay to say that you do 🙂 x

  9. Claire

    4 October

    Great post, Jess! I think a lot of parents do tend to focus on the negatives and it’s so good to see a piece that celebrates the positive side of parenting.
    There’s a quote I love which sums it up:
    “Don’t let a bad moment ruin your day. Think of it as a bad minute not a bad day and you’ll be ok, I promise.”
    Children grow so fast, I think lots of people forget that, and we really need to make the most of them being our children while we can. X

    • Jessica Cherry

      4 October

      Thanks Claire and I LOVE that quote, it’s so true. At the end of the day how long does a tantrum last, 30-60 mins? If that’s all you focus on from the whole day then it’s going to make it seem like it was awful but if you forget about it and focus on the moments when you all laughed then it’s going to make it seem like a good one. They grow so fast I know that I will miss is desperately when they are grown up x

  10. Emily G

    4 October

    Well done for writing this. I totally get what you’re saying. I can find it hard at times but when I do I know it’s down to me. I try and use humour as a way of managing these situations and as I’ve grown into my role as a Mum I do find things much easier and above all enjoyable. x

    • Jessica Cherry

      4 October

      Thanks Emily, I think the times I struggle the most are when I’m pre-menstrual as it makes me feel so crap and headachey that even someone talking to me stresses me out but thankfully I am getting a bit better at snapping myself out of it. I have no choice really as I have the kids 24/7. I think humour is a great one, laughing is the best medicine and luckily kids have pretty good senses of humour! x

  11. This! A thousand times this!

    “It’s great to be honest but don’t assume that because someone else’s honest is different to yours they are either liars / superhuman or a (insert some kind of swear word).”

    You’ve hit the nail on the head right there! I hand on heart love being a parent and I’m sick of this being an ‘unpopular’ opinion so of course it can’t possibly be ‘honest’ grrr! Well said Jess x

    • Jessica Cherry

      4 October

      Thanks so much Sarah 🙂 I just have no idea why it’s gained the title of ‘honest parenting’, I hate the way it assumes that the people writing the negative posts are the only ones speaking the truth! x

  12. I adore this post Jess. I think it’s my favourite you have ever written. Parenting is a funny old thing and we all have our ways of dealing with it. I for the most part have found it all ok, but of course I have days where I feel like I want to cry and scream, and have done both in abundance, especially in the early days. But I have always chosen to focus on the positives, it doesn’t mean I’m lying to myself or even lying to my blog readers (if I write anything about it), it’s just that those moments are so fleeting or they are bad moments in a mostly positive day. I really appreciate the honest parenting blogs that are about at the moment, especially some that make me laugh out loud- we all feel like that from time to time and it’s great to hear people saying what we are thinking. But it does make me sad when people say these are the ‘honest’ parenting blogs, as if implying that those that focus on the positives are lying to themselves. It is probably my own issue but I sometimes think oh god I hope no one thinks my blog is all soppy and happy all the time. We all have our different views and that’s ok. And we all like to read different things and that’s ok too. Just like we all have different ways of dealing with parenting.

    • Jessica Cherry

      6 October

      Thanks Katie, I think it’s one of my favourites too. Mainly because it’s nice to come out and say it! I’ve definitely found parts challenging, especially in the early days with two kids but I never stopped enjoying it if you see what I mean? I think it’s just gone so far into shouting about how awful it all is that some balance is necessary to bring things back in the other direction 🙂 xx

  13. I am always absolutely honest … my boys don’t sleep very well, they don’t really get along, and they talk incessantly from the moment they wake up until their heads hit the pillow (and sometimes when they finally fall asleep, too). You know, some days it really is hard because the exhaustion kicks in and I long for a minute of quiet but other than that, it’s fun, it’s funny, it’s enjoyable, and I wouldn’t change it. I think it’s important that people have a chance to let off steam if they’re having a bad day and it really does help to talk and to know that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling. But, like you, I can’t stand the criticism of parents who actually like being a parent and the dismissal of ‘the perfect parent’ as being uncool or a liar. Like with anything, I think it’s very much down to your personal attitude … I’m hugely positive, I can’t help it … and when I see another parent doing something amazing with their child, I don’t think, ‘ugh, look at them all perfect,’ it tends to spur me on to try something different with my kids. I don’t feel inferior, instead I find it inspiring. I gave up a really cool job to be a stay at home mum and I’ve never regretted it and certainly won’t be rushing back to it.

    • Jessica Cherry

      6 October

      Ah Rachel, thank you for your comment and you have totally hit the nail on the head about finding other people inspiring. I wasn’t always that positive on this blog and I’ve blogged about the harder times with two young kids but it was the overly positive blogs that actually inspired me to be different, instead of thinking ‘liars’, I thought ‘actually maybe it is possible to be like that’ and after changing my attitude everything changed. I can only speak from my own experience and I know some people won’t agree / will think I’m being smug, they have done in the comments below! But I’ve also had so much positive feedback from people as well as hopefully starting to tip things back from the extreme of the ‘parenting is bloody awful’ trend that seems to be going on right now! x

  14. Amber

    4 October

    We love it too. We had the twins when we were 25, which is very young by London standards, but we had waited SO LONG to be mothers, saving for IVF and trying to get ourselves into a financial situation whereby having a baby wouldn’t be a complete disaster. And it paid off. We have two absolutely fab little people who are coming up to a year old now and we have loved virtually every minute.

    With twins especially it’s hard to admit to NOT hating every minute of it. We’ve had singleton mums look at us with disgust, as though our enjoyment of the experience is some sort of judgment on them for having a trickier time. Or we’ve had to lie to spare people’s feelings.

    But… we don’t want help. They’ve never been out of our sight for longer than five minutes unless we’re sleeping. We don’t need a break. We like the wake-ups, we like taking them on holiday, we like the experience of being mums. Even me, and I’m a bit rubbish about change and having my selfish routine interrupted. 😉

    They ARE easy babies though.

    • Jessica Cherry

      6 October

      I think that’s the hard thing, it’s such an emotive subject that it can’t just be left as agreeing to disagree, it becomes something that triggers some kind of divide, I guess much in the same way as the breastfeeding v bottle debate. I think it’s sad that it’s come to this and that we can’t all just understand that everyone is different. I just feel like it’s important to say that it’s okay to love being a parent in a time when social media is full of articles that are scaring the life out of young women who are yet to have kids.
      I know some people will disagree and I’ve been left comments saying that I’m being offensive or will look back and regret saying it but I’m happy with how it’s been received and stick by everything I said.

      We are the same with not having a break, Mr C’s mum is the only one who lives reasonably close so we do have the odd night to go out for dinner (maybe 3 times in 5 years!) but I wouldn’t want it any other way. They grow up so quickly and I know I will hate it when I have all my time to myself again! x

  15. Kim von Coels

    4 October

    I love being a mum. The little dude completes me and makes waking up every day a pleasure. I say positive blogging about parenthood is important because the fact that it feels good is as real as the fact that for some people it doesnt.
    I will be sending my son over for crafty times as soon as he doesnt just eat the glue. xxxx

    • Jessica Cherry

      6 October

      That’s exactly how I feel Kim! Hahaha Tiger’s favourite thing to do is squeeze entire bottles of paint out, he doesn’t even like using the brush to paint a picture with it! xx

  16. Donna

    4 October

    I agree about all the parenting type posts that you mentioned. I have written occasional ‘this is really hard’ type posts in the past but they’re rare and purely my own issues/feelings/thoughts. I’m not a crafter. I wish I was but the thought of glitter all over my house or glue in the carpet fills me with dread. Instead I read blogs like yours that give me a crafty insight with no mess at all! x

    • Jessica Cherry

      6 October

      Haha I think with the crafting thing it’s just the fact I love it that means I enjoy doing it with the kids in the same way that other people might enjoy reading books for hours (I don’t!), it’s just that crafting is always the thing that gets mentioned in a negative way and it drives me mad! x

  17. Claire

    4 October

    I have a post not dissimilar to this one In my draft box… I haven’t plucked up the courage to post it yet! I love being a mummy and have like you always wanted to be one. It’s not always easy but the best and most fulfilling things are never without emotion!!

    • Jessica Cherry

      6 October

      Haha post it, I think it’s about time things started balancing out a bit and tipping the scales back from the extreme world of hating every single part of life with young kids! x

  18. Katrina

    4 October

    Such a well written & balanced post, Jess. & I couldn’t agree more with you around your points on being ‘honest’ & how this is a very subjective term. I’ve found being a ‘parent’ a very natural transition, but I often struggle with day to day ‘parenting’ but i ALAWYS remain positive about the challenges that I face being a mum. I’m pretty head strong, so can ignore those pangs of guilt, & I’m happy to just go with the flow & adapt my attitude towards parenting to what best suits my son. I’m a very open minded person & I love reading about crafty mama’s- I admit that yes, it can make me feel like perhaps I could/ should do more like this myself with mine, but then I realise he just isn’t into crafting, & that’s ok too. It can be reassuring to read post where other parents are sharing the challenges they face, as long as they can convey this message in a positive light & offer encouragement or simply make light of a situation we all encounter (which I’m sure plenty do) but it really saddens me when I see those which are really derogatory towards their children. xx

    • Jessica Cherry

      6 October

      Thanks lovely, I think with the crafting thing I just mentioned it because there is so much negativity towards it and it annoys me as I love it as do my kids. Much in the same way others might enjoy reading books for hours on end (I really don’t!). I just think it would be nice if we could all inspire and learn from each other instead of it becoming some sort of battle but I think it’s like the breastfeeding debate, it’s just never going sort itself out. I feel like it’s important to balance out all the overly negative posts, I’ve seen comments from childless women who are saying they are now ‘terrified’ of it all and I think that’s really sad. So although I’ve been accused of being offensive and smug it’s been worth it for me as over all it’s been received really well 🙂 x

  19. Jodie

    4 October

    Wow. You are so right! I never really thought about it properly until I read this. My girls play up when I’ve had no sleep or an argument or am behind on things blog related. I’m the reason. Thank you!

    • Jessica Cherry

      6 October

      Ah thanks Jodie, I’ve also found that when Cherry is upset about something then it affects her behaviour, for instance if something has scared her or she has a worry then trying to find out what it is will instantly change her mood. I know it’s not a viewpoint that everyone shares and I’m not claiming to be an expert but it’s definitely worked for me! x

  20. Notmyyearoff

    4 October

    I’ve seen your blog grow and evolve and it was like a massive passion was ignited when you stepped into crafting. That comes through so naturally and passionately and it’s a joy to see. I don’t mind either type of honest parenting post but the more staged ones annoy me a bit where they’re doing it a bit unnaturally and where you can tell its slightly “fake”.

    • Jessica Cherry

      6 October

      Ah thanks Tas, I do feel like ‘finding’ craft has changed me, haha. My 16year old self would be cringing at that 😉

      Yeah I do think the ones that have deliberately been written for page views are in bad taste, imagine when the kids are old enough to read. I’ve been told that I will look back and regret writing this post but I would rather regret writing a post saying I love being a mum that one calling my kids vile words! x

  21. Naomi

    4 October

    Love this.
    Having 3 babies in less than 4 years has no doubt been hard, but it would have been a heck of a lot harder had I dwelled on everything that wasn’t going right, or who hadn’t had a nap at the right time in the right place, or whether my daughter wanted to wear a summer dress in the middle of winter…I’ve tried to always think positively, and not get bogged down by things I know will pass. Why waste your energy with negativity because that’s just dull and I certainly don’t want to waste their precious childhood years x

    • Jessica Cherry

      6 October

      You’re so right, it’s all about not dwelling on the not so great parts and letting them go over your head otherwise they will affect everything and make it all seem like hard work. I always try to make us all laugh just after one of the kids has had a tantrum, mainly to start another moment. I don’t want to walk around remembering them screaming all the way around the supermarket so I start a new memory, a happy one. Of course it’s hard sometimes but I never stop enjoying it 🙂 x

  22. Love this Jess. I definitely don’t hate you, but I think I’m slightly jealous. Only because I really thought motherhood would come naturally to me as it’s all I ever wanted to be, but I’ve found it really hard, mainly because of intense tiredness. I know when I’m not so tired, it’s all so much easier. It does bother me that people tend to think people who share mostly positive parenting posts are lying and that the sweary more negative posts get shared loads and the positive ones are not so popular. I love what you said about ‘honest’ parenting, it’s so true, everyone’s experiences are different and that’s fine. I also think it’s fine if people want to share the positive times on their blog, and don’t dwell on the negative times. It’s good to be positive xx

    • Jessica Cherry

      6 October

      Thanks for your comment Louise, I think that’s the thing. It is good to be positive and it’s crazy how doing so can stir up SO much negativity! Someone mentioned above about the positive blogs being inspiring and that’s how I always found them, instead of feeling bad reading them or thinking they were lying I thought how I wanted to be like that and started to change my attitude and approach to things. I know some people will disagree and I’m not an expert but it’s definitely worked for me 🙂 x

  23. Jen c

    4 October

    Well said jess! I totally underestimated what a gift it is to be a mum and so glad I am one. Totally choose this life over my old career life anyday! Kids have taught me the true meaning of love. Although i do need a break at times with no close relatives near by, we can all get a bit over each other…but I still love being with my kids more than anything else. it’s weird when meeting with mums groups there can be a lot of focus on the tough times and less on the positive. More on the good stuff I reckon!
    Its true for us too the hard times with the kids are definitely due to my stress levels/work commitments or their sickness/tiredness etc. Like u say I too believe they are born very intuitive and can feel our anxieties and stress as well as love and happiness ..so calm loving mummy = calm happy baby.. 🙂 worried stressed out mummy = stressed unhappy baby.
    Sometimes things are going on in a mummy’s life that they have no control over, that can bring about tremendous stress that impacts how they connect with thier kids and enjoy motherhood. I feel for those mums deeply and have been through really stressful times myself when i found just getting through breakfast hard, wondering how was I gonna survive the day. But life always evolves and kids get older and things get better and for me it was my kids love and their cute cuddles and funny moments that brought a smile to my face at the end of those real shit days. Truly grateful …if it wasn’t for them there would have been no smiles at all! I think gratitude is really helpful in creating more positivity. We are often blind to how lucky we are. 🙂

  24. Hello Jess! Great name btw! I am one of those moany, awful parents who complains about how hard it all is but I am in no way proud of feeling like that. As you say, I do it to reach out to those also struggling and to make people laugh mostly. I am in awe of people like you who genuinely love it. And I do love loads of it! I’m just really crap at the crap bits! This post is brilliant. Don’t be ashamed to feel like this…. I think most people wish that they did and most people will feel like this at some point. I think its a great thing to focus on positivity and can only have benefits. I’m sharing this because I think it’s a great message in the sea of misery (that I’ve belped to create!) 🙂 xxxx

  25. Carie

    4 October

    Yes yes yes yes and yes again! The crux of it is that we all have different children and so different experiences of parenting all that really matters when it comes to blogging about it it’s the truly honest posts that shine through not so much the seo-ed to high heaven “20 things you’ll never ever do again now you have kids”. As it happens I love motherhood, even more than I think I was expecting. When Kitty was tiny I remember NCT friends saying they found it boring and hard and I was silently thinking “are you kidding? This is awesome!” And I would totally choose staying in with the glitter, but I’m a craftaholic introvert so I may be biased!!

  26. Wave to Mummy

    4 October

    Love love love this post! And in fact, I have been wanting to post something similar myself too (but stopped myself as was worried about sounding too smug). You’ve written it in a really nice and balanced way though, not smug at all 🙂

    I too find parenting mostly joyful and fun. Genuinely lovely and not that hard an experience. I do like reading some ‘honest’ parenting blogs as well as they can be quite amusing, but to me they describe a very very tiny part of my parenting journey. Sometimes I do think if people just exaggerate it a tremendous amount as surely, parenting is fun most of the time? But then, why concentrate and write only about the difficult things? Much easier for your life if you look on the bright side of life 🙂

  27. Jen

    4 October

    No storm here. I love crafty with my kids too and being with them. I am often made to feel odd, but hay, so be it. I have a lovely poster that says choose joy above my desk. I am a firm believer in chosing your state of mind.

  28. Min

    4 October

    I guess my blog probably comes across as one of those that moans quite a lot about parenting being hard, but I just write what I think will make people laugh, as that’s what I enjoy and is the sort of blog I want to write (and read). It’s not that I find parenting any harder than anyone else, or a judgement on anyone who writes blogs that are different to mine. Life would be boring if we were all the same!

  29. No kick offs from me!! I love this post and I could have written it myself. I agree with all your points. Parenting is hard when I’m having a bad day, when I’m tired or just feeling fed up. This is so refreshing to read. I adore being a mum, which is a good thing now that number three is on his/ her way. Great writing xxxx

  30. fritha

    4 October

    love this post Jess (and thanks for mentioning me!) I’m sure you know I feel the same! It’s funny as I was thinking the other day after starting our hypnobirth sessions about the power of positivity. That it can be strong enough to completely change a birth experience shows how it can easily change your outlook on your day to day. In much the same way when you are pregnant you are surround with people dying to tell you what an AWFUL time of it you are in for in terms of labour people then seem to want to tell you how blimmin awful and hard it’s going to be when your child has arrived. Again in much the same way if you’ve had a positive birth experience you are often made to feel like you are smug/lying/self-righteous for admitting you enjoyed it and only ‘honest’ if you have a horror story to share. It’s a funny old world! Keep doing what your doing though! x

  31. Boo

    4 October

    To say you find parenting enjoyable or ‘easy’ isn’t offensive but the implication that the difficult times are always the parents fault is. As they grow and start to exert their personalities more you might just find that your ‘honest’ viewpoint isn’t quite so rosy! And isn’t it strange how many people had this post in mind/ saved in their drafts/ ready to post……

    • Jessica Cherry

      4 October

      Hi Boo, I’m really sorry you found that offensive, it wasn’t my intention at all. I was speaking from personal experience and for my kids that is most definitely the case, not necessarily always my fault but there is definitely always a reason. For instance if something has upset my daughter then I will know because it comes across in her behaviour and if my little boy is really tired or coming down with something then he will have lots of tantrums. I guess I am always trying to find reasons or solutions because it seems to help solve the problem. Again though, that’s just what I do, I’m not trying to pass judgement on anyone else 🙂 x

      • Boo

        4 October

        Yeah I do understand and this is my 4 year old all way. When mine were around your kids age I thought I had this whole gig down. My eldest was the most easy going little boy but seems to have hit what I believe is known as the ‘7 year change’ and things are really difficult just now. So I do take comfort hearing other people share their problems. I guess maybe I’m just saying don’t be complacent. All the best.

        • Alison

          4 October

          Obviously Jessica can speak for herself but I don’t get the impression that she is being complacent. All we can do, as parents, is go on our experiences, and it’s great that Jess has had a mostly brilliant time of it so far. Of course it might all go belly up for her (fingers crossed it doesn’t) but it might not.

          • Boo

            4 October

            I didn’t infer from the actual post she was being complacent but it’s the kind of thing you might look back on in say 2, 5 or 10 years time and think ‘why did I say that?!’. Which I believe is something Jess has touched on in a previous blog post about her old blog. I’m not trying to be mean but this could be a real slap in the face for someone who is struggling and I’m quite surprised no other commenter feels this too. I guess this self-congratulatory circular back patting is what is putting me off blog reading for good. Anyway I digress…

          • Jessica Cherry

            5 October

            Well that’s the thing, I feel that some of the blog posts calling kids swear names or going into detail about how awful it is looking after them is going to going to be a slap in the face for them when they go back to read them as grown ups. The people who are struggling can find no end of useful blog posts out there to help them as well as the ones that might stop them from feeling alone, I’ve actually been quite clear in my blog post that I understand not everyone is going to enjoy parenting as we are all so different but the fact is some people do and my point is that there is nothing wrong with that. I’m not saying I’m a perfect parent, there are things I don’t enjoy doing but I don’t take it as a slap in the face when I read other people do enjoy them. When you write a blog it is impossible to keep everyone happy, I am in no way feel smug, I have been through many things in my life that have been incredibly difficult and if anything I hope that people can be inspired by this, not the opposite. I really can’t imagine myself ever looking back and wondering why I wrote that I enjoyed parenting, I’m in no doubt we will face challenges as the kids grow older but it’s not like there haven’t been any until now! And I wouldn’t say there was any back-patting going on, I wrote this blog post to try and be honest about an issue I feel needed saying but again I knew there would be people out there who weren’t going to agree. That’s just life I guess but I certainly didn’t write it to be complacent or offensive.

          • Vicky

            5 October

            And further to that, I do find calling children ‘dicks’ ‘dickheads’ and ‘arseholes’ offensive. I’d rather be a back-patter than an ignorant moron.

        • Vicky

          5 October

          I have two children; a son who is seven in a couple of weeks, and a daughter who is three. My son is autistic, and whenever I read the blogs which are just negative post after negative post, it makes me laugh. Parenting an autistic child is a whole new level of difficult; twitching, fidgeting, rolling on the floor, screaming for no reason, chewing everything in sight, being unable to dress themselves, and meltdowns that are just off the scale – but not once in seven years have I ever written a post about how much of a nightmare it all is, and neither have I ever recorded it to shame him on the internet. I don’t understand why people think this is acceptable; if you were upset or in a bad mood, would you want somebody filming you, putting it on Facebook and then hundreds of people laughing at you and judging you? I’m assuming not. It’s abhorrent. There is a big difference in sharing problems using appropriate methods and language, and child-shaming.
          I’ve struggled with both of my children, but I don’t find what Jess said about it being the parents fault offensive – if anything it made me think back to the worst times, and I can safely say that my behaviour or mood played a part in it, and I think if everyone was a little more ‘honest’ (as that is the current buzzword) they’d say the same things. These posts seem to be made up of adult problems projected onto the children; tiredness, early mornings, too much laundry… if these people thought that parenting was going to be easy, they were kidding themselves. And that’s their fault, not the childs.
          Great post, Jess, I don’t read many parenting blogs, but I do read yours, mostly due to your honesty, ironically!

    • Polly

      5 October

      I’m in complete agreement with Jess on all she wrote in this post. I love being a Mum and have never found it especially hard. Even as you say, ‘when their personalities come out’ with kids aged 12, 9, 6 and 9 months there’s a wholenlpt of personality in my house and quite honestly it’s made life more fun and me enjoy being a Mum even more. Even with my 12 year old, y mood affects her of I’m in a bad, stressed out mood then in turn she ends up cross too.. so a lpt of children’s behaviour really is down to parents as we’re the ones who show them how to handle our emotions and how to behave. I don’t think Jess will look back on this post and regret it, I think it will be a great reminder of how much she enjoys being a Mum and spending time with her kids.

      • Boo

        5 October

        Can I just make it clear I would never dream of calling my children dicks or arseholes. I don’t know anyone who does and I’ve never actually read a blog post anywhere that does this nor would I want to but I know you’ve touched on that before. I love being a mum, I love my children dearly and I find myself disagreeing whenever someone says “you’ll be glad when the school holidays are over” or “you’ll be glad when X (my youngest) starts school”. I say no I miss them so much whenever they are not with me. But on the other hand I wouldn’t ever imply that someone was less of a natural at mothering than me for not feeling this way. I just can’t understand why you feel the need to brag about this because let’s face that’s what this post is. Call it honesty or whatever you want but why go out of your way to say it’s not that you are only choosing to show the good times (like most bloggers do) especially when you say you’ve seen the hard times too. How you feel if you read this post back then?
        Polly when I spoke about children’s personality I didn’t mean it in a bad way as such. You’ll know yourself when they are toddlers they just kinda tag along for the ride but as their speech develops and they get more assertive and independent its makes things more ‘complicated’ for want of a better word. Similarly to someone else’s comment above my boys are constantly on the go, they talk a mile a minute from dawn till dusk, wrestle each other for the couch at any given opportunity and are prone to shouting at the tops of their voices for seemingly no reason. One of them on their own is a delight but when they get together they’re like a gang and I’m outnumbered! Like I say I love them dearly and my life would seem empty without them but yeah it’s wearing and there doesn’t always seem to be such an easy answer as ‘be positive’.

  32. we3threeblog

    4 October

    i cant explain how hard i feel this post. it is so tough thinking that you must be weird for enjoying being with your kids and doing fun stuff with them but posts like this make me see it is ok! you are so right about being positive too, that helps in every situation. thanks so much for sharing x

  33. Love this Jess! I thought I would adjust to parenting much easier than I did…but it took longer than I thought. I can even place a date on when I started enjoying it – Win was about 10 months old and after a conversation with my husband where we went through all of the options – I realised I didn’t want to be or do anything else, so I needed to stop thinking about how things should or shouldn’t be. It all came down to confidence and feeling like I knew what I was doing – confident in my decision making and a shift in perspective. I’m not a worrier at all, and I’m a really positive person, so I find it easy to take every moment as it comes. Oh course there are tricky days, but they don’t get me down and I don’t take them personally like I used to, which means I truly enjoy parenting, even the bits that force me to grow, because now I see them as that. I adore being with them all the time and wouldn’t be truly happy with it being any other way. I never ever find happy parenting blogs smug or upsetting – I find them inspiring and uplifting. I think we all read blogs that appeal to our personalities – one isn’t better, than the other – we are just inspired, comforted and feel uplifted in different ways xx

  34. ssharma

    5 October

    Thanks for this post! Crafting with my son is one of my favourite things to do as well. I haven’t read through all the comments but, out of curiosity, do you have a website or any recommendations for crafts to do with toddlers? I’m constantly on the look out!

  35. This is a great post, Jess, and I think it’s a good thing that it’s stirred up a bit of a debate! I adore being a Mum, although I have found it bloody hard at times, but it’s only recently that I’ve realised that much of my children’s behaviour, like you say, is down to me and my mood. If I’ve got other things on my mind (work, a blog post I want to write, a whopping to-do list) then I’m tense and snappy and they play up. It’s 99% not them, but me, like you say, and how I manage things.
    I like reading some blogs about the tough/funny side of parenting, and after a tricky day they can make me smile and resonate with them. However, I do agree that I LOATHE the negativity towards ‘happy’ blogs, and people who love doing crafts etc with their kids, or ‘homemaking’. I love crafting/baking with my two, or planning themed birthdays and cakes, or creating a lovely home, but sometimes I keep quiet about it for fear of being deemed ‘smug’ or ‘twee’, and that makes me sad 🙁 It seems to be cool sometimes to be crap at/enjoying these, and if that’s the case then cool I am not! I think there is a place for both types of blog. I read Fritha’s post, and agree largely that positivity breeds a happy life. I’ve definitely got better at this the longer I’ve been a mum. x

  36. Ana

    5 October

    Fantastic post! Motherhood is the most rewarding and challenging thing I’ve ever done and I prefer our family’s Friday Movie night at home to a night out on the town anytime.

  37. Mary

    5 October

    I love being a mum and I have an image in my head of how I want my family to look… it involves madness, fun and adventure and a few more kids for good measure!!! It doesn’t mean that there aren’t days when I am worn out, my patience thin and my abilities challenged to the max. I have had my fair share of felling defeated, crying and shouting…Parenting isn’t easy for everyone that is true and you and others are right that that in element is down to our individual styles and personalities. I have had periods of not loving it, but I know why and its a lot down to my worrying, personal insecurities and not embracing it. One thing that changed in me was realising that every year with every child is new and has to be learnt..yes ive been the mother of 2 for such and such a time but never the mother of a 4 & 3 yr old, or soon not the mother of E at 5..I have to learn and adapt to him and figure it out, that stops me being hard on myself if things get tough…its a learning curve, sometimes bigger than others or harder than others, but I feel im doing a pretty good job and being with my kids makes me laugh, makes me happy and make me better in many ways. As long as I am open to going with the flow and adapting to the new scenarios of age and number it makes it easier.

    I do well as a parent when I do not compare, when I stop punishing myself and just get on with it and I fly high especially when I plan. I know that I am not good at crafts or baking with kids, this doesn’t mean I don’t do it, I do, just not as often as others, but thats okay..I know I don’t enjoy it so I do with them the things we do enjoy…I love to be outdoors with them and act like a nutter in the swimming pool, I love to build dens, dress up and sing and love to snuggle and watch movies and read books. On these days when we have a plan, when we have a great day together filled with adventures, it makes me beam and my heart burst, it makes me love my life as a SAHM. Those things give me the motivation to push through when its tough, but I agree that at this stage id say bad behaviour always has a reason..boredom, attention seeking, tiredness etc Guaranteed the second you check your phone disaster hits lol as long as we are in tune and giving them what they need it helps it be the best job to have xx

  38. Molly

    5 October

    I applaud you for your honesty here Jess. I think it’s really important to remember that there are lots of different ways that people can experience parenthood – just as there is no “right” way, there’s also no one “true” way. I must admit, I’m a bit concerned by a split that I’ve noticed online over the past 6 months or so, almost as if mums are in two camps. If this was the case in real life I have no idea which one I’d fit into as some days I find it tough and others I love every second. I think the other thing that it’s important to remember is that many of these so called “honest parenting” blogs were borne through a frustration that these mums had with the way that the mainstream media (advertising, really) portrayed motherhood. All roses and kisses and happy faces. For many mums this just isn’t the case, and I think it’s great that blogging has given them (and I include myself in this group sometimes too) a voice. HOWEVER, what we mustn’t do is assume that one version of motherhood is the same for everyone. It isn’t. So in just the way that the “honest mums” felt pushed out by mainstream media’s version of motherhood, it’s not fair that the mums who find it easy should feel pushed out of the blogging world – or marginalised in any way. We’re all different, and I think the beauty of blogging is that we can celebrate that rather than pit ourselves against each other. x

  39. Great post! I adore being a mummy most of the time, though I have a wonderfully strong willed little girl who is testing that adoration. Most of the time I do love love love it, but the last 2-3 months have made it hard to love it as much. I’ve found it hard and then I’ve felt guilty. Inexcusably guilty.

    I do love a good painting session with them and don’t even get me started on baking! Love it!

  40. I couldn’t agree with you more, I do have bad days and frustrating moments, but the crafting and activities that we do make our days better and more fun. When someone says that crafty and foody Mums lie on their Pinterest and Instagram accounts it just makes me sad. I’d prefer to share the fun stuff and keep the low points to myself rather than dwell on them!

  41. I actually really like that there are different representations of motherhood/parenthood floating around on the internet. That’s the beauty of blogging. And I empathise with the different types of blogs at different times. I can get a quite moany on my blog, but I’ve realised it’s never about the children themselves. I find day to day parenting pretty simple on most days – tantrums and playing up has never fazed me. I LOVE spending quality time with my kids, going on adventures in London…the summer holidays were an absolute joy. BUT…I do sometimes struggle with being with them ALL THE TIME, not having enough of my own time and space. That’s when my frustrations (and blog posts) tend to come to a head. Not sure if my ramblings are actually heading towards a real point here, but I guess it would be to say that it has a really positive effect to recognise the enjoyable bits, and also really important to accept and acknowledge things we find challenging/frustrating/difficult.

    • Jessica Cherry

      10 October

      I think that’s one of the big things for me that affects my opinion on it, it’s whether it has been written about the struggles of the mum or just about the fact the kids are being little ‘s&*ts’. I definitely find it harder to be around them so much when there is something going on for one of us, mainly when I’m pre-menstrual, but if I gave those days too much energy or thought that I would probably be miserable all the time. Thanks for your comment lovely, always nice to hear what other people think x

  42. Terri

    9 October

    Yes indeed! Great to see so many other mums loving their kids so much! I love being around my kiddo’s, heck I’m homeschooling so it would be a nightmare if I didn’t. I feel others presume that I don’t have a life, that I have nothing better to do. But the reality is this is my choice, I want to be knee deep in, the mess, laughs, new experiences, arguments, the whole caboodle. I feel sad when parents moan about school holidays, ugh such a burden to have to be with your kids for two..whole… weeks… I LIKE my children, I’m devoting my life to raising people I will want to be around when they are grown! Bring on more kids I say, 4’s not enough 🙂

    • Jessica Cherry

      10 October

      We are homeschooling too! And I totally agree, if I didn’t enjoy being around them then we would be in for trouble as I am with them pretty much 24/7 apart from gym or appt times. I would love to have more, we have two and my OH iss saying no more but I think in a year or two I will be able to change his mind 😉 x

  43. Gem

    10 October

    Great post! It made me think about all the things I love about being a mum . I tend to be quite a negative person so dwell on the not so great things that have happened in a day. But I have no decided to really think about the positive things that happen in my day – because there are loads and loads of them!

    • Jessica Cherry

      10 October

      Hi Gem, thanks for your comment. I used to be exactly the same! Focusing on the positives really does change your outlook to life though and generally makes you more positive, that’s what I’ve found anyway 🙂 Of course I stillhave days where I’m a bit negative, mainly pre-menstrual days but we always have a horrible time on those days as it wears off on the kids x

  44. Great post. And I have loved reading all the comments too! I feel as though I have gone from being a blogger who moans a bit/writes humorous posts about raising twins – to one that now posts more ‘lovely’ posts, with ‘gorgeous photographs’ of a ‘perfect life’. And I have been wondering whether or not people might find it all a bit sickly sweet? Given the huge popularity of quite the opposite blogs. However – like you – I am currently loving being a Mother, thriving from our days at home, and really enjoying myself. Of course there are days when it is so HARD but these times are fewer and further between now. And I love documenting our life together, with happy memories. Great post and I love the positivity 🙂 Jess xx

    • Jessica Cherry

      16 October

      Thanks Jess, I kind of feel the same! My blog is pretty different from when I started it but it’s a very real representation of my life and for that reason if people don’t like it then I am happy for them not to read! I think it’s a shame that positive blogs are labelled as being untrue or smug, they actually inspired me to become the positive person I am now. I certainly wasn’t always like it. I would much rather aim to be happy all the time then spend my time looking for the negatives then dwelling on them! xx

  45. Cathy

    11 October

    I utterly love this post Jess and have been meaning to comment for aaaages as it’s really hit a chord with me. While I can’t deny that I do find it hard sometimes being a parent – the hardest thing I have ever done, in fact – I think what’s more important is that I love it, even when it’s hard. And actually one of the reasons I love it so much is because it can be hugely challenging and that makes it immensely rewarding.

    Quite apart from the fact that I absolutely adore being with my children and find them great company, I think watching them grow, develop and blossom is about as rewarding as it gets.

    Like some of the other commenters here though I was never that wild about being in an office, I can take or leave ‘adult conversation’ which 99% of the time tends to be about TV programmes I haven’t watched, and I much prefer being outdoors with the children, running about and having fun, to being in a work environment. So it’s probably not that much of a surprise that I prefer being at home with my children.

    I do find it hard sometimes too, like Chloe I find it frustrating when I have literally NO time to myself, my older daughter is a little more complex and sensitive than my younger and that makes being around her a little bit more challenging at times, and my younger isn’t a fan of sleeping. On days when I’m super tired, or premenstrual, it is hard. But like you say, you can choose to focus on those days or you can choose to focus on the many, many more days that are delightful from start to finish. I also 100% agree that the ‘bad behaviour’ some choose to focus on is entirely about us, not the children. They are just being children and expressing themselves the only way they know how. We’re the ones who blow their perfectly legitimate feelings and concerns out of proportion into some kind of catastrophe, usually because we are afraid that ‘she/he will grow up to be *insert irrational unfounded fear here* unless it’s STAMPED OUT’. Or because we’re so obsessed with having our children grow up as quickly as possible, celebrating every ‘achievement’ that takes them a step closer to adulthood rather than allowing them to enjoy and revel in childhood.

    It’s never plain sailing and it shouldn’t be really, but it’s definitely the best thing I have ever, ever done.

    • Jessica Cherry

      16 October

      Thanks so much for your comment Cathy and I totally agree. I never liked being in an office and don’t always enjoy going out and socialising so hanging out with kids at home is the perfect situation for me! I think you’re right about the last part too, so much is expected from children at such a young age these days and everyone seems to forget how little their really are. And to be honest my moods are a bit out of control when I’m pre-menstrual or hungry, sometimes I fly right off the handle and I’m an adult! So if I can’t always control my emotions then I can’t really expect my little people too! xx

  46. cathy lavictoire

    17 October

    Wonderfully written Jess, another thing that winds me up is the #childfree hashtag on instagram! I enjoy some ‘me time’ but I equally love my time with my little ones, in fact hubby took them to their swimming lesson and they were due back over half an hour ago and I am close to ringing to see where they are so we can go out for a walk! x

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