Are You Ms, Miss or Mrs? I’m Mum

I love being a mum, and I don’t mean the act of being a mum (although of course I love that too) but the title ‘mum’.

I have always wanted to be a mum and although I would have become one years ago had the situation arisen, I’m glad that it happened when it did. I was ready to put someone else first, I had got all my partying days out of my system and I was more than happy to spend my Friday nights changing nappies instead of changing an empty vodka and soda for a full one.

The experience has changed me – for the better. From the moment that I laid eyes on Iyla, I stopped putting myself first. My life became less about me and more about caring for her, and when you stop putting yourself first to care for someone else, you become more caring in general. I have a lot more empathy for people now, as if I can feel their pain – I am more tuned into other peoples feeling instead of just my own. I am a lot more emotional too, I can shed a tear at pretty much anything, books, adverts, Neighbours, anything to do with babies – especially adoption, and I haven’t watched an episode of the new X Factor without crying yet. There was a teenage boy this week who sang really well and he started crying when the crowd were cheering – it is bringing tears to my eyes now just thinking about it.

But one of the most positive outcomes for me is that I have let go of my past. I grew up in a small town and I have mentioned before about my ex-boyfriend. I’m not going into details but let’s just say he pretty much slept with half of the town behind my back, including people who knew full well that he was going out with me. Finding out that partner has cheated on you is awful, your whole world comes crashing down around you and the emotions that you feel inside make you full of hate and anger (it did for me anyway). And then to find out that people knew about it makes it even worse.

You feel like a complete idiot – there you were thinking you were in a happy relationship and yet everyone else knows that your boyfriend has been sleeping with anyone who will look in his direction. I started to become full of horrible emotions – jealousy, anger, resentment and hate. Jealousy is one of the ugliest emotions – it infects your brain, there is nothing nice about a mind that is full of jealousy.

Being cheated on destroys your self-confidence, if the girls he slept with were pretty then it affected me for obvious reasons but sometimes the girls or ‘women’ who he slept with were shocking. One woman was an old hippy with hairy armpits – which was worse, to know that he chose to go home with her that night over me is something that I will never understand. But I don’t need to anymore, I had got over it years ago (with the help of Dad2babyinsomniac) but I still had grudges against a long list of people, having Iyla finally made me lose these. Having a baby puts things in perspective, I know what’s important now and disliking people for mistakes they made over a decade ago isn’t.

Having Iyla has made me realise what life is all about, material things don’t matter, of course it is nice to have them but if that’s all you have in life then you will never be truly happy – having your little girl come up to you and rest her head down on your chest, call you mama and give you a kiss is priceless.

I am proud of being a ‘mum’, I like the fact that I have only ever spent about 10 hours away from her, I like what she represents – a new me. She has given me a confidence that I have never had before. My head is free of the negative emotions from my past – they have been replaced with the annoying songs from childrens TV programmes, but that is fine with me. As The Hoobs would say – it’s hoobacious!

Comments

  1. says

    That’s awful. Good riddance to him, he doesn’t deserve you one bit. Stuff Luke that does change you and has potential to make you bitter. Glad it hasn’t done that to you. I’ve seen cheating go on in my family and it really is shocking and makes you so angry. I know the person concerned still has trust issues two years on and it’s so sad because she doesn’t deserve it. Unfortunately some men are d**** (pardon my French!)
    NotMyYearOff recently posted…Sign Right Here! Save The ChildrenMy Profile

  2. says

    They really are, it does take a long time to learn how to trust someone again after being cheated on. It took me years, I didn’t like Dad2babyinsomniac going out if I wasn’t there for a long time because I was sure something would happen. This always used to really offend him, he took it personally as he knew that he wasn’t the kind of person to do that. We got there in the end though and now I trust him 100%. I just don’t understand what is wrong with some men! x
    Mum2babyinsomniac recently posted…Are You Ms, Miss or Mrs? I’m MumMy Profile

  3. says

    What a lovely post- I completely agree with you- having Mads has changed me into a better person, not that I was bad before but it has just made me better somehow. I am less likely to judge people now or make silly fun out of people, and I am a lot more emotional now. I can’t explain it really- but its exactly what you say- I now have someone else to think about- it has definitely made me less selfish. x
    Katie aka @mummydaddyme recently posted…Will Wooden Toy Shop Help My Baby Walk?My Profile

  4. Jen&Ruby says

    Totally agree, becoming a Mum has changed me too, or maybe it is more a case of self improvement rather than change. When I think back to how I was before I was a Mum I realise how quick I was to stress out, loose my cool, judge people and become impatient. I was always rushing, and felt like I had to be doing something, could never just spend time at home without going insane.
    Spent way too much time and energy on worrying about my weight/figure, feeling guilty if I hadnt done my 10km run for the week or had eaten some chocolate! I used to be a size 8 but still thought I was fat..?!
    I thought I had very little spare time before, OMG I had loads, and I wasted so much of it! With my new sense of time I am amazed at how long just 30mins to myself can feel!!
    I used to use alcohol as a means to boost my confidence at social events, particularly through work. Having Ruby has given me a new found confidence, I no longer need alacohol to have fun or feel comfortable, nor do I obsess with diet and exercise, just eat a healthy balance with everything in moderation (OK well maybe not cake in moderation!)

    Work was such a huge part of my life too, I didnt realise at the time but it totally consumed me. Now its gone, I have had a reality check and appreciate all the simple things in life. My pace has slowed right down, and I now feel like I am actually living in the present moment, instead of stessing about past/future. I am also able to see the world in a new way, as if seeing things through Ruby’s eye’s for the first time, just taking a walk in the garden I see things I never even noticed before!

    I actually never saw myself having children and am so surprised to discover what a wonderful experience it is, I am now on a mission to convince anyone who will listen to have them!!

    This topic has made me think of a good book that was given to me that I would highly recommend, I started reading it and must pick it up again.Buddhism for Mothers – by Sarah Napthali. I love the Buddist outlook on life and this has specific life tools for Mothers. Worth a read.

    • says

      You are so right, it is definitely a self-improvement instead of a change! I was exactly the same with worrying about my weight – I used to think about it most of the time and I was never even big! And I completely agree about the time thing, I used to waste every evening lying around doing nothing, now my time is precious and I hate wasting it! That is why I started blogging really, it is something I do with my time that I enjoy and I have just started a college course as well so I am going to be extra busy! And as for the alcohol thing, that is completely true for me as well, in fact I have an upcoming post about my relationship with alcohol – I have so much confidence now, I used to be the new person at college who went red in the corner, now I am the one that offers to read everything out! I love it :) I will check that book out, it sounds interesting. And feel free to ramle anytime, I don’t mind in the slightest! xx

      • Jen&Ruby says

        Will look forward to the upcoming post, and good on you for finding your passion, keep up the blogging! It certainly is a good feeling to be the confident one :-)

  5. says

    Such a great post, so positive despite the horrible time you had in the past. Really inspiring how becoming a mum has helped you move on.
    I really struggle with anxiety and self doubt but I’m starting to realise that I need to forget worrying about what others think of me because all that matters now is how much my daughter loves me and how much I love her. I don’t want her to doubt herself like I have.

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