One of the good things about being pregnant is not having periods.
Nine whole months of no bleeding, avoiding white underwear or having to buy ridiculously overpriced tampons – surely they should be free?!
Some other good things about being pregnant include thick hair, full boobs and getting away with wearing leggings EVERY SINGLE DAY.
At the end of your pregnancy you get to give birth and experience the best thing in the world, your baby.
THEN THIS HAPPENS….
Your ‘full’ boobs get too full and blue veins appear all over them. Then you get a shooting pain through your nipples and milk starts to flow / spurt out uncontrollably. This always happens when feeding (from both boobs) and then randomly happens at other times throughout the day – usually when you are pinned to the sofa by a feeding baby with no-one to get you another breast pad resulting in a soaking wet top. This also means that you wake up soaked in milk and have to wash your sheets every day to avoid getting into a crispy sour milk smelling bed at night.
Your darling baby then decides that you being soaked in fresh boob milk isn’t enough and that your scarf / chest / face needs some curdled, regurgitated milk so they vomit on you.
You bleed. For 1-2 months. And you aren’t even allowed to use tampons. Sometimes it likes to excite you by stopping, only to suddenly return when you bend down / get half way around the supermarket with no sanitary towel in your knickers.
Your nice thick hair starts to fall out. In handfuls.
Your body needs to try and lose all the extra water it stored when you were pregnant so you sweat. A LOT.
Your baby does a horrific fart in the middle of the night and as you are half-asleep when you go to check their nappy your finger ends up in the bright yellow lumpy water that is apparently classed as poo.
You get out all your pre-pregnancy clothes and make the mistake of trying them on only to discover that they don’t go over your thighs. You then have to resort to wearing the leggings you lived in while you were pregnant, only now they are a bit baggy and fall down.
Your fringe gets too long and your roots need doing. You realise that you could have waited another month before booking your last pre-baby hair appointment. Especially as you have no idea when you will make it to the hairdressers again.
But of course it’s all worth it.
I would happily spend my days covered in vomit, puke, sweat, hair and poo for this little guy.