If you follow me on social media then you might have already seen my exciting news, after 13 years together we are finally going to be getting married!!
I’m not one of those women who has always dreamt of a big white wedding, I don’t remember playing games where I was dressed up as a bride and nor was I ever really into Princesses. I have never once in my life dreamt for a Prince to come and whisk me off my feet. Marriage wasn’t really something that I felt all that bothered about, the thing I desperately wanted was to have babies, in fact I can remember bringing up wanting babies with Mr C when we had only been together about a year!
Over time though it did start cropping up in conversations but it was never met with a positive response, in fact Mr C was pretty much repulsed by the idea and couldn’t understand why anyone would want to do it. I guess looking back now I can see why we weren’t in the right place to get married, neither him as a person nor us in our relationship. We have been on a real journey together in the 13 years since we first got together.
I will just go back a little bit for those who haven’t been reading my blog for very long. So Mr C and I have known each other since we were 12 and I joined the same secondary school as him. We had a very brief stage of fancying each other when we were 13 and he used to come round to my house with his friend but one night he tried to kiss me and I freaked out so things cooled off a bit after that! Shortly afterwards I started what was to be a long and extremely dysfunctional on/off relationship with another guy from our school, who was also in our friendship group. Throughout the course of the next 5 years this relationship took over my life, it was my first proper relationship and full of the intense love that you only feel as a teenager. Looking back I think I was low in confidence to start with but things got progressively worse as I got older, to the point where my mum had chucked me out to go and live in a block of bedsits where I had to share a bathroom with all kinds of scary people. After four years of putting up with my ex sleeping with the entire town / most of the world behind my back he knew he could pretty much treat me in anyway he liked and I would still welcome him back with open arms. There was one night when I caught him about to go into his house with another girl, it was about 2am in the morning and I was screaming at him not to but he just kept telling me to go away. I think I was even kicking his legs and begging him but he took my bag out of hands and chucked it out into the road before walking into his house with her. I can still remember crawling under cars to find my purse and belongings that had all scattered everywhere. I walked back to my bedsit and just wanted to die. It was the lowest point of my life but the next day, as predicted, he phoned me and I went to meet him.
It’s crazy now when I look back on it. I don’t have any ill-feeling towards him anymore, at the end of the day I chose to put up with it so although I don’t think a lot of people would have treated me the way he did, it was my choice to stay. I just thought it was better to be with him than be without him, even when I found out he had cheated on me the night before talking me into to losing my virginity to him, or when he gave me an STD, or when he had sex with a 13 year old (when he was 17!) before phoning me up and asking me to come round, or even when I was working in his mums café and a lady who must have been in her late 30’s came in and asked if he was there because she’d left her watch in his bedroom last night. It’s almost funny to look back on it now, almost, but being in a relationship like that did have a long lasting effect on me.
There reached a point when I was about 18 where I was lying in bed with him one night, he was drunk and being an arsehole, and something in me just changed. It was like a lightbulb had come on and I knew I wasn’t going to put up with his crap anymore. The next year was a bit of a messy one, things happened with Mr C a bit early and my ex still had a hold over me, but it ended with my ex going to live in Spain (the best thing that ever could have happened) and Mr C going travelling to Australia for 6 months (again a really good thing). It gave me a chance to be on my own and ‘find myself’ a bit. I knew I wanted to be with Mr C but I also knew I needed to properly get over my ex and luckily that happened during that time.
When Mr C came back we got together pretty much straight away but it was at this stage the effects of my first and only other relationship became apparent. I just assumed that all guys cheated, I thought it was normal, but when I told Mr C that I didn’t want him to go to a party in-case he got with other girls he was so offended, completely insulted actually, that I could even say such a thing. That wasn’t enough to convince my though, it was my biggest fear and for so long I was a total nightmare about him wanting to go out with his friends. I basically didn’t ever want him to go out alone because I was terrified he would cheat on me, I had huge trust issues and it took me YEARS to get over that. In fact it was only when it got to the stage where he’d had enough that I realised it would ruin our relationship if I didn’t stop.
That was one thing we managed to overcome but then when we were about 6 years into our relationship and had stopped going out drinking and partying all the time I became obsessed with the idea of having babies and getting married but Mr C hated the idea and wanted to go travelling again instead. It became a huge divide between us and I actually decided to leave him over it. I went to live with my dad then within a couple of weeks realised that it was a huge mistake, I decided I would rather be with him and not have any of those things that be without him. It took a bit of convincing but eventually we decided to meet up a hotel halfway in-between us and what do you know, I ended up pregnant with Cherry.
As soon as I tell people that part of the story I know they are probably thinking I tricked him into it but I like to think of it as fate. If I was going to trick him into having babies then I would have done it when we were still together! It wasn’t a happy ending from there, the following ten months were pretty hard due to him thinking his life was over and not dealing with the pregnancy at all but thankfully as soon as Cherry was placed in his arms he changed before my very eyes. Seeing the man you love care so much for a little baby is just the most amazing feeling. He was a natural and I can still remember the day we left the hospital, he was checking to make sure she wasn’t too hot and able to pick her up so confidentially, something which I was terrified of doing!
That was over five years ago and in that time we’ve obviously had another baby, one that Mr C agreed to, something else I never thought would happen! It hasn’t been easy, anyone will know how much of a strain having a baby can put on your relationship. There was about six months after Tiger was born where it felt like we were just working a shift in a job together, when you aren’t sleeping, breastfeeding a baby all the time and looking after two kids all day there is no energy left in the evening to talk about anything other than a request to do something. We got through it all though and have still continued to work on our relationship the entire time, I don’t think you ever stop doing it really. We are in a really good place and I guess that shows because he has finally changed his views on us getting married!
He’s a welder and actually made me my ring which I love so much. It’s a bit big so he’s going to make another one and will be making his own too. I think I’m going to get a little tattoo on my finger to show I’m engaged then use the handmade rings once we are married.
So prepare for lots of wedding planning posts, I warn you now there will be lots 😉
In terms of the wedding, it’s not going to be conventional at all, in fact there is still every chance we will elope and just do a big party in this country. A big party with a huge vegan cake and a Showtime Photo Booth!
Otherwise it will be something small and overseas, hopefully a Greek Island or Las Vegas if we can afford it. We will absolutely not be spending much money either, firstly because we don’t have any and secondly because both of us feel that spending a huge amount of money on one day is kind of crazy so it will be as low cost as possible with lots of making our own things. Mr C has obviously sorted the rings and I plan to crochet my dress, or at least part of it. Although given how long it takes me to finish a project we might not end up getting married for about another 20 years!
‘This is a collaborative post’