When Cherry was a baby I can remember……. actually if I’m honest I can barely remember any of when Cherry was a baby but I do know that as a first time mum I would have been adjusting to my new life and finding things more difficult than I had done when there was only myself to worry about.
Now I’m a mum to two children aged three and under I look back and wonder what I ever found difficult. One baby is a breeze, mainly because they can’t talk or walk.
They can’t answer you back. They can’t demand biscuits for breakfast, refuse to get dressed, make you take them to the toilet five thousand times only to tell you they don’t really need to go, tell you they’re bored, ask to go to the park / soft-play / out for lunch when you’ve just brought them home from a ‘fun’ day out or cry because you cut their toast into the wrong shape.
I am finding looking after a three year old all day really exhausting. Things have improved a little bit lately but it is just so mentally draining to have someone ordering you around every minute of the day. It is RELENTLESS.
Giving drinks in the wrong colour cup, trying to reply to an email, going to walk up the stairs at the same time, not being able to find the right shoes, suggesting anything other than pasta with pesto for tea and revealing the plan to drive to the shop instead of walk are all serious offences to a three year old and result in tears and lots of shouting.
Then when you also have a baby who screams at the top of their voice every time they want something there are moments where you just want to scream yourself.
But this isn’t a negative post. Even on the days when I want to tear my hair out there is nothing I would rather be doing than being a mummy but there is no denying it is bloody hard work and one thing I miss is having the chance to stop and think.
I feel like I can never gather my thoughts. They are all over the place because in between each thought someone does a poo, asks for a drink, starts taking toys off one another, grabs my head and yells in my face, the list goes on…
Simple tasks like making a phone call become impossible. Some days it feels like you deserve a medal to have made it to dinner time without having had a breakdown.
My brain feels like a washing machine of thoughts.
Then something will happen that stops the thoughts flying around and clears my mind.
Something that reminds me what is important.
And it’s the people who are capable of driving me to the point of tearing my hair out that are also responsible for triggering the most intense burst of love.
Sometimes just one moment to make me stop and feel the love is all it takes to make a crappy day wonderful.
An expected ‘I love you’, a big cuddle, a kiss, seeing the happiness in Cherry when she learns to do something for the first time or watching her and J play happily together.
They all make the hard times worth it and remind me of the only thing that matters: Love.